i'm not having children. i'm just not.

i think part of the reason why this is such a touchy subject for people is because it has been made the social agenda. it's what you *should* do. it's what normal people do.

when someone bugs me about it, they get the first response of "thank you for sharing your opinion with me. i do not agree." the second "you can believe that i'm going to breed some day if that helps you sleep through the night." and the third "you know what, you can just fuck right on off. it's my life and you can deal with the pathetic mess your life has become." (of course, i always assume that someone who's bugging me that much about my life and my choices must have a pretty sucky life :D)

and there is pressure. my mom gets all teary eyed at the prospect of her only daughter not breeding...that *she* is going to miss out on the experience of being a grandmother. hey... i'm not the one who told her to only have one kid.

from my perspective, the meanest trick you can ever play on anyone is giving them life. making them sentient. i love the person i've become, but that was a hard fucking road to get to this. and i don't think that my conscience would survive bringing someone that i presumably love into this fuckfest.

and i didn't even have the most tragic life. there are so many horrible things that can happen to a person. and to think that i brought them here? to experience the utter crap life can be? i can't live with that. i just can't.

i consider myself a very spiritual and enlightened person, and it didn't take growing a parasite inside me to do it, either. do you know what having a baby does to a woman's body? a good number of my friends that have had children are now diabetic. these were healthy, athletic women.

on top of all of that, while i may have some smart genes, i have a lot of genetically transmitted health problems like anemia, diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure, ulcers, cataracts, muscular dystrophy, mental illness/retardation, etc. not to mention bad skin and vision problems. and german thighs. i've said many times that if we were living in caveman times, i would've been left out on a cliff to die of exposure a LONG time ago.

all of these things are reasons i don't want to have a child. it's not about crappy movies, or reading more books. it could be argued that i can spend more time on my art, but that doesn't factor in really.

i like children, but i'm content to be cool aunt donna who pitches in to help tired parents now and then. i just wish more tired parents didn't feel compelled to tell me i'm wrong. i don't bash them for their choices. it's just not the choice i'm making.