the guy from high school
this dream is a semi-recurring dream about this guy in high school that i was... well, i don't feel it's right to say in love with, because love is a two-way street and this... was... i don't know, a tangled mess of unmarked highways that went in loops where you never really knew where you were even if you were the one who built the roads and all of the traffic lights blinked purple.
i'm not even sure that makes sense, but anyone who's been there knows what i'm trying to say. it was one of those confusing high-school things where everyone involved is inexperienced and confused.
in the end, all i wanted was for this man to be happy. unfortunately, almost everything i actually did rant totally contrary to my goal and i've lost touch with this person. (when i hear this song, "Girl of Independant Means" by Ross Cooper i'm reminded of myself then for some reason) the last i heard about him was that he went on a mormon mission to new zealand or somewhere like that. for perspective... when i knew him he was an athiest.
anyway, always in the back of my mind is this subconsious worry about him. this nagging "god i hope he's OK." to go on this mormon mission he evidently had to abandon all of these great scholarships that he had to go to college. i worry that he's trapped in some low-paying job with 6 kids to support. but as long as he's happy...
on to the dream now. enough painful recollection.
this is the second dream i've had of this sort of theme. the last time i had this dream was 3 or 4 years ago, although it ended differently. in this dream, i found that mike was working at the same place i was. we were both very happy to see each other, although he had found another employer that was interested in hiring him.
i was torn because i didn't want to lose touch with him again, i didn't want to give up my newfound everyday easy reach of him, but the new offer was a fairly good one. i told him that i didn't want him to leave. he assured me that we could still hang out. somehow i wasn't sure that i believed that, but i decided to put my personal feelings aside and look at this new offer. i suggested that he ask for more money because i thought the offer they gave him wasn't the best this other company could do (i actually do this sort of thing for my friends, check out job offers they get and give them impartial advice).
he was worried about asking for more money but he decided to do it. the subject dropped and we just hung out and talked about how stupid high school was and how stupid we were. we talked about how we still thought about each other. then he got a phone call. evidently his grandmother had died and had left him this neat old house in the middle of austin. so, we went to go check it out.
there's houses that i dream about, and i dream a lot about houses. i'm not sure what this means. there's a blueprint of the way houses are in my dreams and this one was very much like that. often there are hidden places to get to where i can hide or hang out or i just discover. these are features, not bugs usually. :D
the house was older and worn, but had beautiful and unusual antique furniture in it. the place had all the trappings of someone having lived there up until a few days before, with newspapers and magazines around and a fully-stocked fridge.
the house had evidently been well-maintained and in some parts refinished. we only encountered one part that wasn't completely stable. it was a balcony sort of structure that overlooked the living area. it was difficult to get to, sort of hidden. we assumed that was why it hadn't been fixed up.
after a while, his parents and a couple of friends came over to meet me and to see the house. there was a small door leading to an attic area off the unstable balcony. you had to be careful where you stepped to get there because the floor creaked and looked as if you might fall right through it. in the attic area were old toys, like older barbie dolls and things that were very interesting and could very well be valuable.
i was enjoying playing with the barbies, dressing them up and having fun with them in general when he asked me to move in with him. we talked about how we had feelings for each other and how he now had this house and that i wouldn't lose him to this new job especially if i moved in with him. i agreed to (in this dream i wasn't married as i am now).
suddenly, i became very afraid that he didn't love me. i don't know why. but i ran away. i ran down a darkened road crying. i got picked up by some people that ended up beating me very badly. nearly unrecognizable. he and some of his friends found me on the side of the road, bruised, broken, cold and bleeding. he wasn't angry with me for leaving, he was very upset at my condition, though. he brought me back to a hospital or a clinic or something and was holding my hand and looking at me with great concern and i woke up.
i awoke feeling very dazed, but feeling cared-for and loved. and wondering whatever happened to that boy i once knew so well.
